My lover left me in May. There are many unresolved
feelings and issues (at least on my part). I keep trying to rationalize
the situation, much to my own detriment. I am looking for answers
and reasons behind my lover just packing up and leaving. I'm baffled by
this all...we had made it through the darkest times together and yet,
here we were on the other side of it all....so close to the "finish
line" and she gave up and just walked away. Very little emotion,
hardly any talking, absolutely NO willingness to discuss or work out any issues
we may have had...just an "I love you, I'm just not IN love with you
anymore". A punch to the gut. Looking back on our
relationship, there were issues, but when you're in love with someone, you
often wear blinders. Things I accepted as "normal" behavior,
turns out…not so much. I was absolutely devastated when the bomb was
finally dropped. I knew SOMETHING was coming...after all, just the week
before I had received a phone call from her supposed bff...she was incredibly
ignorant and unkind in what she said to me...and she outright LIED to me (none
of this shocked me...after all, I'd been wary of her for several years,
especially recently**). I was very upset by the phone call and sobbing
pretty hard...I needed to talk to my lover, so I texted...no
answer...called...no answer...called work phone...no answer...finally, I was
able to get her on the line. After I got cut off and chewed out, I was
informed that there was no need for me to rehash any of the phone call as the
truth was already known. Since when is it acceptable for your partner to
take a friend's side over their partner? And not want to hear both
sides? And not want to console the sobbing partner on the phone? A
shower, several hours and multiple xanax later, I was still heavily sobbing and
feeling heartbroken. I called a nearby friend who was so worried about me
and my state of mind that she drove over to sit with me. It only got
worse when my lover got home. Standing outside, on the phone with her
bff...telling her and her wife to come over to work this all out. I have
asked several times what would have happened if that would have been the
case...would they have both sat there and lied to our faces? Lord knows
the bff already did that...numerous times... Anyway, after a week of
barely speaking to me or texting me, my lover finally had the guts to face me
and tell me that we were through. There was supposedly nothing I could
say or do to change it. I cried, I yelled, I asked questions... she left...for
a bite to eat (even though we lived right across the street from numerous fast
food options, she drove to a bar that her bff's friends own). The next
few weeks were freaking torture. She was mean, selfish and uncaring; would
leave to unpack at the other house (which I helped get ready to move in
to...which the bff trashed) and not come back until 3 or 5AM. I knew that
the bff was more than that...her own wife suspicious because she started hiding
her phone (which started the fight and phone call), but my lover became even
more paranoid about me viewing any call or text histories...plus sneaking to call
or text when she thought I was sleeping, or guarding her phone with her
life. It makes sick just to think about it. Of course I will never
know the truth because they still lie to me on a regular basis, even when I ask
for the truth for closure. I know we all love our gal pals and bffs, but
a minimum of 4 phone calls a day to each other AND thousands of texts between
just the two of them...hmmm. But I was told that I was just an overly
jealous person...making shit up in my head. Really bitches?! I have
the call/text logs in black and white.
So, despite my best efforts, I feel lower than low over the
fact that the love of my life picked a fucked up situation over what we had
together. We were together for nearly 8 years! It's easier said than done (I struggle with
it on a daily basis), but it is HER loss, not MINE. It speaks more to HER
character than MINE (even though I am
apparently a bad person for posting any feelings on Facebook... Come on
now! I didn't name names...so if you read it and automatically think it
pertains to you, shame on you for doing anything you think warrants that
reaction and if your friends or family read a post and automatically think of
you, then shame on them for not thinking more of you than that). I
mean, after all she left me for her supposed bff (a mutual friend) who had also
previously rented her house, trashed it, owed her several thousand dollars, has
been in jail for numerous charges, was married (legally) to another woman and
cheated, has kids and grandkids that she rarely sees because she is too far
stuck up each new gf's ass to be bothered. You know how PigPen had a dust
cloud swirling around him in the Peanuts gang? That's this chick and
drama. She doesn't clean or care about personal appearance and living
conditions. We had been cleaning and repairing the house (thousands of
dollars in repairs and that was just to make it livable again) and I
swear those bitches didn't clean a thing in the entire 7 years they lived
there. White ceiling fan blades were black and had to be soaked in goo be
gone and scrubbed with a magic eraser (1 per fan blade). It was BEYOND
disgusting. The entire time she lived there and knew us, she supposedly
had feelings for my lover. But she still lived with (and married!!) two other women...and never
divulged this to them. I have asked my lover NUMEROUS times and it is
just ignored -- but, seriously, can you explain how this bitch did ALL of this
destruction and didn't bend over backwards to be GOOD to her? I mean, she
took advantage of her! And yet, she left me for her. We weren't
broke, but we weren't living extravagantly either - and cancer treatments were
a bitch to manage and get covered - but we were careful. This bitch NEVER
has cash, her bills are always overdue (even those that were still in my lover's
name – i.e., utilities at the house), she was always borrowing cash to pay
bills, buy food or put gas in her car (or begging for rides to places)....but
ALWAYS had weed or her wife would have a new tattoo or they would go to dinner
and a show in the city. I mean, seriously!?!?!?!??! It makes me
feel sick that my lover would choose the worst possible situation to live in
over what we had together -- but it speaks more about her than me.
After all, this is her ‘thing’...she cheats (emotionally
and/or physically) and leaves her relationship whenever she is bored or getting
more excitement and attention elsewhere.
Upon further reflection, she and her brother are more
similar than I ever imagined. That alone makes me sick and should qualify
her for a psych eval....just sayin'...
She swears she still cares about me and wants to be friends,
but I rarely hear from her unless she needs something... And even then her
attitude is pretty shitty and defensive.
What's worse is that I'm sure that friends and family are
not getting the full story. I will be the bad person...not the new
girlfriend. No one will ever know the truth about her and the level of
craziness and the money owed and property ruined. *sigh*
I can only hope that karma is swift and is as ruthless as
they were in their recent actions.
** = Several years ago, this bitch came to OUR home and
cried about her (then) wife cheating on her with a man and getting
pregnant. At this point, she was
supposedly a mutual friend of us both.
However, she decided to get wasted (drunk AND high) and start acting
very odd. She went outside on our porch
to smoke and my lover went with her. I
stayed inside to clean up our game table and pour another round for my lover
and I. I went out on the porch, but this
bitch wouldn’t open up as much when I was around…so I went in and sat on the
couch (in full view and ear shot of the porch windows). I watched her ask my lover where I was, tell
her that she had a secret to tell her, and lean in to try and kiss her. My stomach dropped and I immediately
interrupted. I couldn’t stand there and
watch this…my lover SAID she wouldn’t have kissed her, that she had never been
attracted to her, but we see how that turned out, right? When the bitch called me to yell at me about
her wife asking me if I thought there was any reason she’d hide her phone, what
my lover’s involvement was, etc…she told me (in front of her wife, on speaker
phone) that she loved my lover as a friend and nothing more…that she was never
physically attracted to her and that the night on the porch she was not in her
right mind and she doesn’t even remember what happened, etc etc etc. FUCKING LIAR! :(
